12:38 am - June 27, 2004
Odd mood ramblings
I'm in an odd mood. I feel kind of weird. And I dont really know how to explain it. I just feel ... odd. Like I'm waiting for something to happen. I feel ok, I'm not really depressed or anything. I just feel really freaking strange man. I hope its something good. Hehe.
Things are the same really. I work, I come home, I fight with my family, I go hang out with my buddy. I'm settled into a routine, but I don't mind I guess. I wish i had a couple more friends though. My bestfriend no longer has time for me, she just has time for her boyfriend. < sigh > I feel neglected. Oh well. Such is my life.
I think I'm dating someone. I'm not really sure though. Heh. Kind of odd to not be sure if you are dating someone or not. Sometimes I think I am, and then sometimes he says or does something that makes me think maybe not. And I dont know how to ask him, or if I should. I guess I'm taking the wait-and-see approach. I have a feeling I'll be left waiting though. Oh well. Nothing ventured and all that blather.
I feel very alone today. Maybe thats why I feel odd. I havent felt this alone in a while. I feel like there is no one out there for me. Not just romantically either. Just like, no one out there *really* gives 2 shits. Oddly enough I dont feel SAD about this either. Its like, I always knew it, but am just now realzing it. But since I knew it all along, I am not surprised.
I love it when I dont make a bit of sense. Makes for fun reading later on.
Sometimes I really do wonder if there is anyone out there for me. I cant define the type of man I'm lookin for. But I can feel him. I can see him around the edges of my mind. And I can see how we'd be together. But he doesnt forumulate, he doesnt show his face, he doesnt give an idication of what I should be looking for. I'm beginning to wonder if the man of my dreams will always stay there - in my dreams.
