1:44 am - June 12, 2003
Tough Times
Ugh man today was brutal. I dont even want to go into it. The long and short of it is: we had 5 euthanasia's (putting animals down) the whole day. That's alot. Most I've seen so far. And we were short handed pretty much all day. I ended up staying 35min past my go home time. So needless to say by the time I got home I just wanted to collapse. So tired. But I still love my job. :)
I heard/saw this song today that made me totally think of Andy for a while. It's that newest Shania song called "Forever and For Always". Andy and I used ot sign our emails, or end our conversations with the words "Always & Forever". So that reminded me. Then one of our "songs" was Shania's "From this moment" or whatever its called. That reminded me too and didnt help. And so yeah. I was all *sigh* and crap. I'm ok now. MOre reflective about it than anything. I still love him very much, I know this. And I'm fairly certain that I will always love him. I dont think you can just stop loving someone when things end. Not if you truly loved them to begin with. I wonder though if the Andy I remember, and have built up in my head is the way the real Andy is. He might be passing through here this summer and if he does he swears to call me so we can meet for lunch or dinner or something. I'm afraid to meet him though. On one hand I dont want to get drawn into him again and reverse all I've accomplished (like getting over him), but on the other, it'd be nice to destroy that unattainable Andy thats in my head. Maybe if I found out he wasnt as great as I thought he was, I could finally get over him completely and finally and for once. I hate these residual feelings. Anyway. I know that didnt make sense.
I have to move back in w/ the 'rents. I dont know if I wrote about talking to my mom about the "rules" when I move back in. If I did, read it again :) These are the stupidest rules ever. Mind you, I am going to be 24 in August. So unfortunetly I do count as a grown up. But I, the almost 24 year old Raq, have a curfew when i move back in. I must be home by midnight during the week and 1 (maybe if I'm good 2) on the weekends. What kind of CRAP is this. On top of that I MUST go to church EVERY sunday. And not only the service, I must also attend sunday school. This keeps getting better dont it. :-| And my Dad is like "We are going to network the computers so you can use the DSL. But if you stay up too late just ONCE I'll cut it off" To him 11:30 is late. So I'll probably be fighting with him constantly about MY computer. Grrr. Stupid dad.
You know. When it rains it pours. And for some reason, its always pouring on my head.
