3:44 am - May 14, 2002
Just another day.
You should set them free
But it sure is hard to do
It sure is hard to do
I know they say if you don't come back again
Then it's meant to be (so they say)
Those words don't pull me through
Cause I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me goin' through the mill
climbin' up a hill
That verse is so true. I'm doing better today. Was actually in a good mood most of the day. I try not to think about it, I've cried so much and I'm tired of crying. But I miss him. I miss him so much. I find myself checking my cell phone almost obsessively to see if he's tried to call. And I have to stop myself from calling him. I have to stop myself from thinking "Oh I need to tell Josh..." Cos its not gonna happen. He's not going to call. And neither am I. I cant. Not til I'm over him. I cant watch him make this mistake with his life. I just pray they dont get married soon and he has time to realize what he's doing.
Giving up hope is hard though. I keep hoping I'll get a phone call or email saying he's changed his mind. But I know it wont happen. Serves me right really. I had what I wanted all along, but was too proud and blind to see it until it was too late. Classic Raquel. I fuck things up before I even know there's anything to fuck up! Gah.
Every day my heart breaks a little when I wake up. For a minute after I wake up everything is great - and then I remember, and my heart breaks. And so my days start off like that. *sigh* I'm just rambling really. I have nothing exciting or new to say. Just venting myself. I"m tired of talking about it with everyone, so I'll just write about it a lot instead. I guess thats all for now. I'll start up bits-o-raq up again soon. Just have nothing to say there since I"m trying to keep that one light. Anywho. Later.
