8:08 pm - August 15, 2003
24 is such a big number!
24 years ago on this day, at shortly after 7:30 pm, a little girl was born in San Juan. She weighed a little over 7 pounds and was bald as could be. Her father, upon hearing that she was a she and not a he, was not thrilled. He wanted another boy! But, the moment he laid eyes on her, he was wrapped around her finger. (Where he is to this day!) That little girl, my friends, was me. I am now much heavier, and have a helluva lot more hair on my head.
Yes. It's my birthday.
So I turned 24 today. Over the last week I've kind of taken stock of my life. And over the course of 24 years, I've not really accomplished much. I have had a lot of ups and downs, tho mostly downs. When things were bad, they got worse. Then worse went to even more worse. And just when I thought, things couldnt possibly get any worse - they usually would. And through it all I have managed to keep a smile on my face, even though most of the time it was fake.
I havent really done much with myself. I mean look at me. I live at home with my parents, I havent graduated from college, I have a fair amount of debt to pay off, I have no boyfriend, and no prospects of getting one. I've done nothing notable in my life.
I've been through some experiences though. I've traveled abroad to Toronto, Spain, Portugal, and England. I've fallen in love once, and had my heart broken a few times as well. I've had some interesting/weird jobs. I've gone from super duper goody two shoes girl, to not quite so goody two shoes girl. Actually, I'm probably pushing towards that "bad girl" side. I've gone from having dreams, to having none.
But yet, I've been lucky. My parents love me (Even though they drive me absolutely up the wall) and have stuck through me through everything. Always accepting me back when I fell flat on my face. And they've even managed to not rub it in too much. I have a few friends that seem to care for me and always manage to pull through for me when I really need them. I've always had more than I needed, even if it wasnt always what I wanted. So for that, I am grateful.
And lately, I've been a bit amazed. Because for the first time in a really long time I realize that though I may not be amazingly, ecstatically happy ... I am content. I am OK with how things are. I love my job, even if it doesnt pay that much. I love what I do and I feel like I'm making a real difference. I'm close to finishing my associates, and that fills me with a little confidence. And though I may live at home, its not so bad if I just stay out of my mom's way. Hehe. I may not have a boyfriend, but I dont really mind. That alone amazes me! I always wanted a boyfriend, even if it was just in the back of my mind. But for the first time in my life I can honestly say - I dont want one. I might not mind someone to date, but I want nothing serious. I need to get things straightened out first, decide who exactly I am and what exactly I want, before I can commit to someone. And so I'm content. And in a weird way, being content makes me somewhat happy.
And so while the past 24 years havent been anything spectacular, and the next probably wont either, I'm pushing on. I'm going to try to make this next year a good one. I want to look for the silver lining in every gray cloud. I want to learn who I am. Find out what I want to do with myself, and be happy with just me. Who knows. Maybe I'll find a balance between the Raq I used to be, and the Raq I seem to be today.
So raise your glasses kids, cos its my birthday! May this next one be better than the last 24.
